A regrettable experience is one that you were totally into at the time, including if you were drunk—no coercion, no reluctance, no calling it off halfway through—but then later look back on and respond with primarily embarrassment or disbelief, as opposed to disgust, hurt, or shame (stronger than just being embarrassed).

Rape is any situation where you were uncomfortable with the encounter before and/or during it, ALSO including if you were drunk, and look back on it feeling ashamed, used, or genuinely upset. This applies even if your partner had no idea that there was a problem; they should have been checking in more often.


And if you're genuinely upset about something you were completely okay with at the time—beginning, middle, and end? Sorry, but that's just bad judgment.

A regrettable sexual experience is one that you agreed to at the time, but wished you hadn't agreed to later.

Rape is sex that you never agreed to; that someone took from you.

Being drunk is, by legal definition, being unwilling to give consent. If there is no consent, it is rape. Legally.

A regrettable sexual experience is one that was consensual, but was later, after the fact, regretted. In the middle of the act, if she said, "Stop," then consent was removed, and further sex was and is rape. The only clear way out of this is to talk it through so that consent is clear, and mutual. Realistically this also involves getting beyond the rape culture norms, and communicating levelly and respectfully with one another. It isn't easy, but it's extremely important to do. The alternative is to be legitimately accused of rape when it was not ever his intent to rape.

I know someone on campus with a teenage son who said they thought almost all rape was really just the girls changing their minds later. I was horrified, but didnt know what to say. Does having sons make people think more about protecting boys than girls?

I believe that this is well said.

I agree that a sexual situation that starts out consentual is not rape...

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I agree that a sexual situation that starts out consentual is not rape...

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Do you really mean "starts out"? Say a sexual encounter begins consensually, but ten minutes in one partner says "stop" and the other doesn't listen: rape or not?

Zitat von maple

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Being drunk is, by legal definition, being unwilling to give consent. If there is no consent, it is rape. Legally.

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I'm aware, but this bothers me. If both partners are drunk, than legally, they therefore raped each other. The exceptions and specific scenarios just get too messy, hence my inclusion rather than exclusion of the participants being drunk—what matters is whether consent was explicitly given and/or violated, not the state of mind of participants. That being said, I do think that this law makes sense when one partner is drunk and the other isn't.

Consent can be withdrawn at any point during a sexual encounter, and if consent is withdrawn but the act continues, then it is rape. That is why checking in and being sure that all partners want what is happening should be a continual process. Consenting at the beginning does not give anyone the right to assume that consent is/will be present during the entire sexual act.

Are you implying that sexual situations don't have to continue to be consensual?
By law, if your partner tells you to stop, you must stop, or you are committing rape.

I define rape as sexual acts without consent. A regrettable experience is an act with consent that you wouldn't have given in hindsight.

I agree with what Petrus says. On a separate note, believe that it is not to be blamed entirely on the male in these sticky situations. It is not only females who have regrettable sexual experiences/ rape. One of my male friends on campus was completely incapacitated and was almost taken advantage of by a sober female. Sexual assault is not going to be solved if males are the only ones getting attacked. I think some females should be criticized for social immaturity in some of the alleged sexual assault occurrences on campus.

A regrettable sexual experience is one in which the person gave consent and was able to give consent during the act, but later regretted doing the act. Rape is sex where the person does not give consent, retracts consent and the sex continues anyway, or is unable to give consent.

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Are you implying that sexual situations don't have to continue to be consensual?

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The opposite; the post I quoted—"I agree that a sexual situation that starts out consentual is not rape..."—could have easily been finished, ". . . even if consent is withdrawn partway through." I'm seeking elaboration. I fully believe that sex should be consensual beginning to end.

The difference is that if the act was directly against your will its rape if it wasn't against your will its your own responsibility.